Oh, Good Grief

Let’s talk about this Brandon Davis/Lindsay Lohan crap-fest. Although I am a little tired of this bit of half-assed gossip, to my chagrin, I’m also strangely interested. Let’s go over the details:

Fact number one: Brando has apparently had direct contact with Lohan’s personal, private business.
And by that I mean, bikini area.
And by that I mean, vagina.
Fact number two: despite Lohan’s chameleon-like choices of hair color, ya can’t change what nature gave ya, and she came out of her mother a redhead.
Fact number three: and this one, understand people, once and for all. YES IT IS TRUE THAT IF YOU’RE RED ON THE HEAD, YOU’RE RED IN THE BED!

As someone who was born with an auburn coif, I have had to put up with that macho (idiot) question since puberty. Each time someone asked me, I would think ‘jeez, are you really that stupid?!’ Unfortunately, when you have to ask yourself that, it’s usually true.

And now we come to Brandon’s not-so-chivalrous rant he went on the other night about Lindsay’s reported firecrotch. For someone who’s bloated out on cocaine and too much money, I guess I’m not really surprised at his stupidity. Yes, she probably has a firecrotch. To that I simply ask, WHO FUCKIN’ CARES?!

The funniest part of said tirade was his comments about her financial state. Brandon says Linsay is ‘poor’ cuz she’s only worth about 7 million. I couldn’t help but laugh at this over-the-top diarrhea of the mouth. I mean, why do you think people hate America so much?! It’s because of insanely rich turds like this guy! When you roll your cigarettes with $100 dollar bills, though, 7 mil must seem like a trip to the corner store.

Ultimately, Bro Davis would not be famous were it not for his enormous truckloads of cash. And of course, little stunts like this one. Now he’s being talked about all over gossip-land and even mocked by lesser celebrities (if that’s possible).

At leas Lindsay is a talented actress.

(Right?)